The BNP have made a donation to the Pakistani flood appeal...

600 crocodiles.

Yep its the old racist text message joke rearing its head to ridicule those who have had their lives destroyed but don't worry its OK, they're brown so its OK to joke about it.

I was on the way home with 2 mates from work when that joke got read to me, I don't understand why people think that its OK to tell these jokes be it in front of another white person or a some one who isn't, it really, really fucks me off and also disappoints me, as usually the people who are telling these jokes are supposed to be my friends.

Now a little background on who I am. I'm Michael Hills. I was born in Cambridge in the early 80's to a black mother and a white father, my mother comes from the Seychelles and emigrated here in the mid 70's having been pen pal's with my father, needless to say they had some bang, bang, sexy time after getting married and I popped out. 

The Seychelles are a group of 115 islands and has a huge mixture of cultures, African, French, Portuguese, Persian and well you get the idea, its a been quoted as being a true paradise and let me tell you, it is but I digress, the point I'm making by mentioning this is that I am in no way your typical white person, I have the fortune of having many features from the above mentioned nationalities which tends to throw people off of my heritage.

I grew up in Guildford which is a fairly suburban town (even though its desperate to become a city, "Look we built the worlds ugliest cathedral! Come on make us a city!!") slap bang in the middle of Surrey, during the 80's. My brother and I (yeah I have a brother 18 months younger than me and looks nothing like me, he's got all the muscle and looks like that Jacob bloke from Twilight, the bastard!) were always easy to spot in the school photo's and we were none the wiser to us being any different, the kids didn't play with us any differently than the others and we got on with everyone, this is partly to do with the fact that everyone got on well with my mum which forms part of my issue with racists jokes and the audiences to which they get shared with. My brother and I didn’t really experience any form of racism up until about 8 or 9, at that age the worst insult you can think of usually involved girls and kissing but not this time. Sitting out in our garden playing with our Bravestar toys (yeah bitch! Bravestar! One of the advantages of having a father who fucks off and and goes to the States!) we hear the wonderful phrase of “oi niggers fuck off!” We thought nothing of it at the time and just thought that they were rude chavvy types, ignored them and carried on playing with our toys. It wasn't until I called a white boy a nigger in front of my mum that I learned the meaning of that word, understandably my poor mother was horrified and disgusted that these little fuckers would have the audacity to say that in our own gardens and ever since that time she became massively protective of myself and my brother, there have been times where my poor ma has broken down in tears and apologised for essentially being our mother due to the racist fuckers. I'm proud of who I am and I look forward to one day doing a family tree and seeing what my heritage is and the story it tells.

The reason why I mentioned that situation is to highlight why I think racism will never go away, its passed on through families and circles of friends and at work, now I would hope that those two kids just associated the word with two brown people and no real hatred but in all honesty you know that they’ve heard that being said with venom so they know its meant to hurt and isn't just a simple word.

Back on track Michael! Stick with your point.

For some odd reason these types of jokes float around via text and probably email constantly, we have a circle of friends who tend to receive a lot of these messages and used to send them to us! Why the fuck would I want to hear a racist joke about a black person when I am half black! It used to drive me mad until Rachel told them that we didn’t particularly enjoy their racist jokes about starving children in Africa, its sad to think that we have become so distance from each other in terms of other peoples problems that we have turned them into a source of entertainment, yet when Comic Relief comes round its all real and people shed their tears and then give a fiver and their conscience is clear and they are able to return to making sick jokes. I always have a rant to who ever will be listening saying that these people suffer all the time and that we shouldn’t have to wait every 2 years to remember it but people do forget and I’d be surprised if anything really sits with these people for even a day or two after having their emotional outpouring. Thankfully I don’t get any of those horrid jokes anymore but if I did I've decided that would respond by sending a picture of one these starving children or even a dead child to give them a dose of reality though it would probably not bother them.

Now here’s something I’m not proud of,  I usually ignore any racist jokes either at my expense or of others and this never sits well with me, I feel as if I am giving credence to their racist jokes, only yesterday I was called a spear chucker, it didn’t upset, mainly because a life time of racism you generally get a thick skin and ignore it but sadly it still happens. Its difficult to make some one understand the effect that an off hand "funny" racist comment can have, when they have never been a victim of it themselves.  

The word "victim", that was hard for me to write with out feeling stupid, I questioned why I feel stupid for using that word, I feel like I should ignore it but its got to the point where I can't anymore, I'm all for banter, anyone who knows me will know that I can take a joke, I'll even dish out a few at my own expense but I can't do that anymore, I need to let people know that what they are doing is plain disgusting, its not even about feeling hurt, its the blatant disrespect of the right of another person. So victim is the word I will use.

I’ve been lucky in that I don’t get it a lot, I used to when I was kid at school and would often get into verbal fights over this which would some times end up in me, the victim having to do detention. This is about 16 years ago and I’d hope that how schools deal with this has changed but I can only hope. The thing that saddens me to this day, when I sit down and remember it is the comment my teacher made.

“It’s only words, you should ignore it”

At the time being 14, it pissed me off but I didn’t really comprehend what he was saying but I wish I had. He was saying it was ok for the other guy to be a racist and it was up to me to shut up and ignore it, what an idiot, it still makes me angry to this today.

So from now on I’m not going to ignore it, I’m going to chastise those who say these jokes and make them think about the butt of these jokes so that they put some reality to it and hope that they just stop being so plainly racist, I’m sick of people thinking its OK because they know me, if they didn’t I’d just be another “paki” or “nigger” in the street.

I’m going to leave it there with this song, its a song by Sam Cook called a change is gonna come, sung by Otis Redding, I loved it from the moment I heard it and discovered its meaning a few years later, it seems apt.

A Change is Gonna come 

Edit: About 20 minutes ago, I snapped at work, first off my manager (yes my MANAGER!) read out a sick joke about the floods in Pakistan to which I expressed my disgust. I then ate a doughnut to which he commented that I shouldn't eat that, thinking it was going to be based on me being a fat fucker he responded that I was supposed to be fasting as it was Ramadan. I saw red and stormed out slamming the door violently behind me, I had to vent some how and I didn't want to resort to verbally abusing him but needless to say I think he got the point. 

I'll keep everyone posted on the outcome as the weeks go by.